Forums » Poetry and Jokes
Santa and Banta are here
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October 28, 2009 6:10:02 AM YEKTSanta Singh at KBC
Santa Singh has answered 12 out of the 15 questions correct and has used all his lifelines except for “50-50″ and “Phone a Friend”.
Santa Singh is playing the 13 th Question now which is for 25 Lacs. Let’s see what happens next…
Amitabh Bachchan: Apka 13th question 25 lakh ke liye, yeh raha aapke saamne aapki Computer Screen par…
Santa Singh gets Tense…
Amitabh Bachchan : Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan ? Your options are…
A) Amitabh Bachchan B) Dharmendra C) Amjad Khan(Gabbar) D) Sanjeev kumarAmitabh Bachchan : Toh Santa Singh Jee kya Jawaab hai aapka? [He’s quite sure that Santa will opt for option A]
But Santa is surprisingly still confused…Amitabh Bachchan : Aapke paas abhi bhi do life line baaki hai… 50-50 and phone a friend. Agar aap chahe to unhe use kar sakte hain. Wo aap hi ke liye banaayi gayee hai.
Santa Singh : I think it is A, but I’m not sure.
Amitabh Bachchan : Not sure, Hmmm… Aap kya karna chahenge?
Santa Singh : I would like to use 50-50…
Amitabh Bachchan : Ok Computer Jee, Kripya 2 galat javab mita deejiye…
Computer deletes two names, and leaves the following options:
B) Dharmendra C) Amjad Khan(Gabbar)Now Amitabh Bachchan gets confused and worriedly thinks if the Computer is actually right or has got some bug!. Santa Singh gets all the more Confused after the 50-50 Lifeline…
Santa Singh: I would like to use my last life line too - Phone A Friend…
Amitabh Bachchan : Aap kisse baat karna chahenge??
Santa Singh : Main aapki Misej [Mrs.] Jaya Bachan Ji ko phone karna chahoonga…
Amitabh Bachchan Faints !!! But the Call gets connected to Jaya Bachchan (Thanks to AirTel )
Santa Singh : “Jayaji, Who is the father of Abhishek Bachchan!?” receiving reply from JAYA Santa faints..
GUESS WHY????????? ??
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Jaya Bachchan ask’s him ” What are the options?” -
October 28, 2009 6:12:49 AM YEKTSanta Banta Fishing
Santa Singh & Banta Singh rented a boat and fished in a lake every day.
One day they had a huge haul of 30 fish. santa said to Banta.
“There’s lots of fish here! Mark this spot so that we can come here
tomorrow.” The next day when they were driving to rent the boat,
santa asked banta , “Did you mark that spot?” Banta replied,
“Yeah, I put a big X on the bottom of the boat!” Santa said, “You fool! What if we dont get that same boat today!?!?” -
October 28, 2009 10:31:13 PM YEKThahaha Lol
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October 28, 2009 10:35:45 PM YEKTlolzzz... -
October 29, 2009 2:35:59 AM YEKTGREAT
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November 14, 2009 11:35:30 PM YEKT
Post Santa and Priest
Each Friday night after work, Santa Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbours were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest.
The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass ... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now dear, you are a Catholic."
Santa's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived.
The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.
There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted:
"Oye, you waz born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb, you waz raised a chicken, and you waz raised a lamb
but now dears.... you are a potato and tomato"!!! -
November 16, 2009 4:45:29 PM YEKTBanta: Wife agar husband ko naukar samjhe to husband ko kya karna chahiye?
Santa: Zyada kuch nahi, do char ghar aur pakad lene chahiye.
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Santa opened A College. Guess the Name of College?
The Name of the the College was: WOMEN`S COLLEGE FOR BOYS
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Pappu: Dad, what is an idiot?
Santa: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him cannot understand him. Do you understand me?
Pappu: No.
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Santa aur Jeeto mein ladai ho gayi,
Santa ghar se chala gaya.
Santa raat ko phone pe: Khanay mein kya hai?
Jeeto: Zehar.
Santa: Main dair se aaonga, tum kha kar so jana.
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Santa found the answer to the most difficult question ever:
What will come first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar-- what ever U order first, will come first.
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Teacher: what do u call a person who cannot hear anything?
Santa: U can call him anything, because he cannot hear anything.
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November 20, 2009 12:21:17 AM YEKT
Wife: Aap bahut mote ho gaye ho.
Santa: Tum bhi toh kitni moti ho gayi ho,
Wife: Main toh maa banne wali hoon!
Santa: Main bhi toh baap banne wala hoon.
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Ek aadmi bada dukhi tha!
Ek dost ne uss se poocha, “Kyu, tension mein ho.�
Aadmi: Yaar ek dost ko plastic surgery ke liye 2 lakh rupeey diye thay, ab saale ko peehchan nahi pa raha hoon!
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Customer: Ek kilo gaay(cow) ka doodh dena.
Shopkeper: Lekin tumhara bartan toh bahut chhota hai.
Customer: Theek hai toh phir bakri ka de de.
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Santa: Yaar aaj pehli bar maine accha kaam kya, jiss par logon ne mujhe bohat mara!
Banta: Woh kya..
Santa: Ek makan mein aag lagi thi, aur andar kuch log thay, maine window tori aur andar ja kar sab logon ko bahar nikal diya.
Banta: Toh logon ne kyun mara
Santa: Yaar, kyun ke woh sab log fire fighter thay! -
November 25, 2009 12:22:49 AM YEKTSanta standing on the scale, holding his stomach in.
Jeeto: I don't think that is going to help.
Santa: Sure it does. How else could I see the numbers?
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Two goldfish in a bowl talking: Goldfish 1: Do you believe in God?
Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water?
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Angry Santa to his son: Have you ever seen an owl?
Pappu: (Looking down) No...
Santa: Do not look down. Look at me.
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Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, cleaning home and washing clothes.
Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.
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Do (2) Hijade ek shaadi ki badhai dene gaye.
Haye haye main to 1100 lungi.
Dusri Boli main to 2100 lungi.
Peeche se Santa bola Abey 2310 le lo usme FM bhi hai!!!
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November 25, 2009 2:18:54 PM YEKTSanta: Kaam wali shanti ko bulao.!
Wife: Kyun?Santa:
Doctor ne kaha hai, raat mein dawa khane ke baad shanti ke saath so jaana.
One: Oye tera ek daant neela kyun ho gaya?
Two: Yaar maine ink lagayi hai.
One: Woh kyun.?
Two: Kyun ke aaj kal bluetooth ka zamana hai yaar.
Ek dost dusre dost se: Kya, tumne jhoot pakarne wali machine dekhi hai?
Doosra dost: Deki nahi mere paas mein hai! Are maine to usse shadi ki hai.�
Husband: Tumse shaadi karke mujhe ek bahut bada faayda hua hai!
Wife: Woh kya?
Husband: Mujhe mere gunaaho ki saza jeete jee hi mil gayi! -
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December 6, 2009 6:17:08 PM YEKTheheheh -
December 7, 2009 5:11:35 PM YEKTSanta Singh and Banta Singh, two shaven sardars, are walking down a street in Bombay. Suddenly they come across a shop with a sign in the window:
"Shirt Rs 10, Trousers Rs 15, Suit Rs 40".
Santa turns to Banta and says, "Oye, Banta, yeh daam toh dekh!"
Banta scratches his head and says "O-ji, lekin kaise ho sakta?"
Santa brushes him aside "Oye yaar, likha hai na? Likha hai! Dekh! Doubt kaise ho sakta?"
"Haan yaar, kamaal hai"
Then an idea strikes Santa. He says "Chal, Banta, business karte hain!
Idhar se kapde khareedte hain, aur wapas Jullunder lejaakar bechte hain! Khoob paise banayenge!"
"Yeh toh bahut sahi idea hai" agrees Banta.
They go in and Santa pulls out his wallet and says says very casually,
"200 shirt de deejiye, Rs 10 waale; 100 pant, Rs15 waale; aur 50 suit, Rs 40 waale"
The owner of the shop looks at him and says, "Jullunder se aaye ho?"
"Haan ji"
"Sardar ho?"
"Haan ji... lekin aapko kaise maalum?" (Scroll Down)
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The owner says, "Yeh DRY CLEAN ki dukan hai!!"
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December 7, 2009 5:44:24 PM YEKTHillarious! hahahahahahahhahaha -
December 22, 2009 4:11:36 AM YEKTSanta:
Major Rohail told me T.V cabel is not good for kids,
they don’t study,so i got rid of it
Banta: Good?
Santa: Now we have a Dish Installed
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December 22, 2009 4:12:02 AM YEKTOnce Banta Singh attended an Interview.
Interviewer : Give me the opposite words.
Banta Singh : Ok
Interviewer : Made in India
Banta Singh : Destroyed in Pakistan
Interviewer : Good… Keep it Up
Banta Singh : Bad…. Put it Down
Interviewer : Maxi Mum
Banta Singh : Mini Dad
Interviewer : Enough! Take your Seat
Banta Singh : Insufficient! Don’t take my seat
Interviewer : Idiot! Take your seat
Banta Singh : Clever! Don’t take my seat
Interviewer : I say you get out!
Banta Singh : You didn’t say I come in
Interviewer : I reject you!
Banta Singh : You appoint me
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December 22, 2009 4:13:20 AM YEKTA man to Santa:
Your friend is kissing your wife in your home.
Santa rushes home and came back within
half an hour and slapped the man
and said:
“He’s not my friend.” -
December 23, 2009 2:17:20 PM YEKT
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January 31, 2010 3:18:11 AM YEKThehehe
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February 6, 2010 11:42:52 AM YEKTBanta wanted to board his horse. The first farmer he asked said he would keep it at Rs 250 a day, plus he would keep the manure.
Banta thought that was too high and went to another farmer. His price was Rs 200 per day plus he would get to keep the manure.
Then he went to Santa who asked just Rs 50 a day.
Banta asked, "Don't you want to keep the manure?"
Santa said, "At Rs 50 a day, there won't be any!"
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October 30, 2010 1:46:06 PM YEKST
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March 28, 2011 10:49:31 PM YEKTThis post was edited by Eye Q 71 at March 28, 2011 10:49:31 PM YEKTBANTA SING
Letter from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
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2. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
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3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
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4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
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5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you will povide the remaining items?
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6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
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7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
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8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
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9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
10. The Last one......
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?
Regards,
Banta